Stop believing the lies.
Choose to walk in objective reality.
The perceptions he paints are not reality, the lies are not the truth.
For months, I allowed him to hurt me, because I did not want to live at that point, but, don't think for one minute that it was all bad, for if it were all bad, there would be no hope to hang onto. He can even fake it for months at a time as he did in the beginning of the relationship.
When he started to reveal what he was, and had the meltdown on my MSN political discussion group, and a couple of his other victims, from South Dakota and New Jersey reached out to me and warned me, I just couldn't get over that from July to October 08, he had been nicer to me, on the phone, than anyone had ever been in my life. Too perfect. I know this now, because he was still seeing the ex-wife and continuing to use her while courting me aggressively. His efforts intensified after he sent me a cell phone for my birthday in September that year. I later heard from his other wife that she thought she had paid for that cell phone.
If he didn't have any positive attributes then how could he ever fool anyone? And, if your life is at a point where the lies of a sociopath are better than loneliness then you are even more likely to swallow his bull. And the powers that be do NOT help. They are enabling him in his pursuit of victimizing women.
The death of my father interfered with my sending all the documents this last week. But I have had a major breakthrough I can't share here.
And, I got my finding of fact that acts of DV had been committed against me and my family, in Ohio, my home state, where I had faith that the truth matters, in courts where the judges and magistrates actually read what is written to them in petitions. There was a consent agreement but I didn't understand fully what that meant when I agreed to his agreeing to him being restrained, so I told the court the truth about it and the Geauga County Judge changed it. I doubt Dean will tell anyone that happened.
I strive to live in objective reality. That is the core of the serenity prayer. Reality is sometimes hard to bear, and may be temporarily down-right painful, but, in the long run, it is a better place to dwell. I had intuitions from the beginning about the man, but the feel-good lies and the feelings they produced in me were just too hard to let go of. Even in June/July 09, when he first called me, again, and I thought, "Oh boy, now I will be able to tape record him more and have more proof of what he hides from the world!" I still got sucked in. I was planning to go there too, in response to his baloney, but no one knew it was only going to be for two weeks, until I got my check. I was in this lovely backyard one day, playing with my grandkids, and thought I was choosing decadence over innocence if I chose his world. Evil vs good. It is really quite simple. We ourselves complicate it and he relies on the tendency of women of his target demographic group to rationalize and excuse and our desire to be that one who reforms the bad boy. There is no reforming the bad boy sociopath. He knows the competitive nature in us will rear it's head and he knows what to say and which emotions to appeal to. He is practiced and skilled at playing women, and playing their innate tendencies against them.
He recently hurt another woman, and afterward she lied to the police and protected him, even after she had fled in fear to another state. He also knows who he can get away with hurting and he knows who he can get away with lying to. I know I wanted to believe. He always has a back-up plan he has built on lies to others. It is his MO and the idea that people he has hurt might team up against him, compare notes and reveal the deceptions terrifies him.
I am not a liar magnet anymore.
I choose not to be.
I am a disabled crime victim, exploited and used by two, count them, two, sick men during my lifetime! The abuse in my family background and my PTSD primed me for it. No more.
I hope that he runs out of women whose skirts he can hide in, whose intelligence and resources he can hide behind, whose faults and weaknesses he can exploit. He threatened to kill again, if she didn't obey. I believe her friend about that, because he has said it to other victims in recent years. It is his MO, and I do believe he has killed. Perhaps in Alaska. Perhaps in Boston. He has lived in all the states except Hawaii and traveled around the nation throughout his 20s, living as a hobo, vagabond, temporary worker and he told me that the homeless can be vicious. When he attacked me, he fought in ways I had never seen before, reaching into my mouth and scraping out, biting my lip, and he used a technique on my throat at one point, where all he had to do was compress lightly and he totally cut off my air. He tried to cut off my air three times that I clearly recall. He covered my mouth and pinched off my nose and he choked me as well. How could I have ever believed he was blacked out that long? For the brutality went on for hours.
My family had acted in a way that isolated me And, frankly speaking, my other ex had lied to the juvenile court. Lies hurt people. The lies the DV prosecutor, Roma Larson told, hurt me. Walking in the truth is something the legal community has rationalized away. Instead of our justice system being a pursuit of the objective truth, it has become an environment where the best liar wins. It is not that way everywhere, but the truth takes work to prove sometimes, work and time. Time is $$$ to far too many of the people we expect to be servants of the people.
I am a good person. I have fought for what is right during my lifetime and won. I helped save my grandchild and my daughter. I didn't deserve for some psychopath to pollute my life and destroy it. The lies of others enable him, the darkness in others assists him. Even the dark side of the well-intended. These are the topics of intense debates between intellectuals. In reality, in practicality, our moral decisions impact others. Like when I chose to drop out of a criminal investigation the Illinois State Police were conducting to possibly charge Dean for his harassing people on MSN groups, his former victims. I was supposed to be part of the forces of Good to stop him from victimizing anyone else. Good intentions? Yes.
(QUALIFICATION: The people discussed on this blog are or have been supposed directors of what have been purported to be charitable foundations, The Myria Foundation, and The Encyclopedia Foundation and so are public figures subject to public scrutiny of their character. I was a duped into becoming involved, first as a "director" of The Encyclopedia Foundation and then as a "Founding Director" of The Myria Foundation, verifiable with the Illinois Secretary of State's office. I paid for the incorporation of The Myria Foundation and I have a legal right to discuss this. This is MY life, and I am a witness to crimes no one seems to want to do anything about. I have over 2 inches of documents and hours of wav. files to back me up and the alleged illegal behaviors here have been reported to the Attorney General's office in Illinois as well as the State's Attorney of Sangamon County and the Springfield Police, and are part of various court records. It is my layman's opinion that Dean West is a sociopath, based on observed and documented behaviors. He is on probation right now for resisting a peace officer and I know there is a warrant out for him violating the RO of one of his net victims in Paterson, New Jersey and to the best of my knowledge there is a warrant out of South Dakota right now also. Any questions? Feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 440-285-2648. Google "Kathleen Callahan and Ambien" for links with information showing Kathleen Callahan is a public figure. My friend Janet Makinen was involved in that suit as well and you can see her involvement if you google her name with Ambien.)